Prevalent sexism on social media

I have noticed prevalent sexism in social media conversations, especially on WhatsApp. Unfortunately, I notice sexism very easily and I am very sensitive to it. I notice it multiple times a day, in many WhatsApp messages. I receive, jokes which people forward to me, comments they make on various social media platforms, traditions they talk about, traditions they praise about, and many other things. I tirelessly try to point it out to people around me, especially to people from my own family because first, I should make my own family aware of this prevalent sexism before I try to change rest of the world. Many times people who forward or say those things don't even realize that there is something sexist in it. The main reason behind this mindset is a deep cultural history of sexism in every society. Developed nations are taking conscious efforts to remove this sexist mindset but in countries like India with strong patriarchal culture, these things still go unchallenged. To give a simple example about this, yes I have to receive a single husband-wife related joke in Indian groups where a wife is not depicted as a money spender, totally dependent on the husband, non earning partner. By default, every joke or message has this image of the wife, occasionally there might be a message to praise sacrifice of women and laud their tolerance and dedication towards their partner, but this is again very stereotypes description of women.

I always wonder why people don't try to offer somewhat different perspective? Why even women don't take notice of such stereotyped depiction of their image? Maybe it is true that in developing countries like India there are still many wifes who are dependent on their husbands. It is not because they are any less capable of working outside their homes, but because their family structure or social and cultural settings doesn't allow them to accept any job. They are so consumed by household work, which is equally important and valuable that they can't do any other work. Traditionally, household work is valued as much as it should have been, and hence the image of stay home wifes is that they don't earn anything. This notion also results in the image of wifes as a creature who survives on husbands hard earned money without doing any hard work of their own, and all these jokes and sexist TV serials just reinforce this image on men and women's mind generations after generations.

This sexist behavior and attitude need to be questioned, I do it from my side. I get into trouble because of this, many times people get annoyed because of my net picking small small things. But the reality is, that these small things slowly build a sexist attitude in boys and girls which subsequently becomes part of cultural nuances of our society. These things then create rigid barriers, glass ceilings, gender stereotypes, and many other things which stereotype gender roles. The only way to remove sexism is to point it out and make people aware of it. If even after that they want to continue with those jokes and that attitude it's their choice, but at least make them aware that they are being sexist. This is one basic thing we all can do to curb the prevalent sexism around us and our own family or freind circle or social group is a good place to start this.

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My first experience with American healthcare system

In my 14 years of stay in the USA, I never had to visit any hospital for any emergency. Whatever good or bad things I read about the American healthcare system I read through social media, news articles, and other people's experiences. But this year, in September I had to visit the emergency room because my wife got a bad infection from India and she had a high fever that refused to go below three digits. This was my first real encounter with the "American Health Care" system. I agree that American healthcare needs some urgent attention. Some areas need the attention of lawmakers, policy experts, and all other stakeholders of this system so that something can be done to make health care affordable to everyone in this country. This USA really has all the resources and capabilities to make this happen, it just needs a little bit of social and political will to fix the system. I firmly believe that, if the USA can't make health care affordable to its people, then no other country can even dream about any such thing (I am talking about countries of similar size and population).  

I have seen two different types of healthcare systems, one in India and one in the USA. The best part of the Indian health care system is there are many choices of different doctors so most of the middle class and even lower middle class can afford to bear the health care treatment costs for nonemergency health issues. The most messed up part of the Indian healthcare system is emergency care. Hospitals can refuse to admit or treat a patient until the required amount of money is deposited, this is the case with most of the private hospitals where most people go in the case of emergency. Government hospitals are free in India, but hardy people choose this option because of a lack of proper facilities or overcrowdedness. This is where the USA's health care differs from Indian health care. In the US emergency room treatment is offered without any questions about the ability to pay for it. But, the downside of this is that emergency rooms are unnecessarily crowded as many people who don't have health insurance go there to get treatment even for nonemergency reasons, and hospitals can't refuse to treat such patients as it's against federal law. 

My wife received all the required treatment, medicines, and other things (food, etc.) without depositing any single dollar at the hospital. They did ask for health insurance information, but that didn't affect the quality of her treatment. Of course, the treatment is not free and we did receive the bill in the mail a couple of weeks after her discharge. But hospitals don't refuse to discharge the patient for nonpayment or an outstanding bill or stop the treatment in the middle if they sense that this patient may not be able to pay for this treatment, this I feel is a big plus for the American health care system. No doubt, that like many other good laws and policies, this law is also abused by some people who purposely misuse this system to get the treatment for free. I think this is one of the main reasons why health care is so expensive, as people who can pay have to bear the cost of all nonpaid bills. Hospitals don't even ask for your immigration status, they don't care whether you are a visitor, an American citizen, or an alien (someone on a visa), they treat every patient visiting the emergency room irrespective of their legal, social, or economic status. 

American health care attracts a lot of bad press, and many people complain about this system. But at the same time, there are many good things about this system. The emergency care aspect of this system is amazing, saving someone's life when they need medical help in a medical emergency can't be valued in money. I wanted to share my personal experience to highlight this very important aspect of American health care. Of course, health care in America is very expensive and something should be done about it, but just because there are some problems with this system it shouldn't stop me from praising some good aspects that are absent in many other countries (like India).

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What happened to civilized social communication?

There is no doubt that social media has brought significant changes in the ways we communicate with each other. Most people are constantly in conversation with someone on some online platform. This explosion in communication technology has opened many channels of communication for many people in the world. This was supposed to create some positive revolution in the connectivity of human beings as most of us now have a very convenient medium to connect not only with our immediate surroundings but also with the rest of the world. Geographical boundaries which used to be a limiting factor don't matter much as far as verbal and written communication is concerned. All this should have brought us closer and opened many new ways to understand each other in a better way. But, what I find is that people are becoming more and more exclusive in the way they want to interact with others. They are moving away from each other by forming exclusive groups. There are many exclusive message groups, chat rooms, forums, and whatnot where only like-minded people come together and criticize people who don't agree with them. It has become harder to communicate with each other in a thoughtful, civil, and constructive way. I am not denying that there are many groups where there is very thoughtful and useful discussion, where people help each other or support victims of various problems, but it is really hard not to notice the polarization of opinions on social media.

Maybe, I am noticing this polarization more because I am part of many different groups as I don't subscribe to any particular ideology or religion. This might be true, but I see that there are many who are complaining about the same problem. What I noticed is, that all these groups are constantly engaged in ridiculing each other, each want's other group to get lost from this planet, and they absolutely don't see any positive thing in the other side's argument. The communication in such groups is very partisan, and rarely any dissent is encouraged or even tolerated. After reading messages from many of these groups, sometimes I wonder whether social media is uniting or dividing the world?

There is no doubt that social media has made it easy to communicate with people who are not in our immediate physical vicinity. Now we can pick and choose people from all over the world and form a group to discuss something that we like or endorse. We don't have to find like-minded people within our friend circle or family to have a group chat. However, this doesn't mean we should become totally ignorant or dismissive about the opinions and views of people around us or people who don't agree with us. This newly found technological tool should not be the reason to shut the doors for alternative views and only engage with people who affirm or validate our opinions. This should not be the reason to conveniently ignore all the facts that don't support our argument and shut the door for anyone who sounds contrary opinion to our views and points out some factual mistakes in our argument. But, it seems many people are busy doing these types of things. Open minds are getting rare, and highly emotional conversations have replaced rational conversations. Very few are interested in finding the areas of mutual agreements. People are quick to make assumptions based on limited data. They are in a rush to judge others, there is a lack of empathy, and most people are not willing to assume any positive intent in other parties that disagree with them.

If it continues like this, I don't know how many political groups within a political group, or religious sects within a religion we will have. The danger is very clear, polarization of our society at an unprecedented level. Now, we have to decide whether we want to continue like this or would like to bring some civility to our online interactions, especially, while interacting with people who disagree with us on various topics. The choice is ours, as we are the ones who are going to enjoy or suffer the consequences of our choices.

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When The President questions constitutional right of a citizen

Kneeling of some NFL players during the national anthem created quite a bit of controversy last year. President Trump's recent speech and tweets injected fresh life into this controversy once again. NFL player Colin Kaepernick started protesting by kneeling during the national anthem last year, his reason for the protest was police brutality and inequality faced by people of color. Now, we may or may not agree with his reasons or the way of protest, but, if he is exercising his constitutional rights to express himself, we need to respect his rights, without agreeing with his actions. I personally stand for any national anthem played during any function, but it is also true that no one can compel me to stand for it unless I want to stand. I voluntarily respect national anthems of all countries and it is my individual right to choose if I want to stand or not. Real respect has to be earned, it should be spontaneous and not forced or coerced. If someone is coerced to show respect for anything, it is not a display of respect, it is obedience. Obedience out of fear of losing something is not respect. Do we really want such respect from anyone?  

A few years back, during one of the functions at my daughter's school American national anthem was played, and in the entire auditorium, one third grader was sitting during the national anthem. I was surprised to see this, as I was not used to witnessing anything like this. In India, I was used to seeing everyone standing for the national anthem and prayers. It was a rule and there used to be a strict punishment for violating that rule. There was no choice or freedom for students. I was impressed by the way the individual liberty of that student was respected in this country (he was just a third grader). I really got curious about this incident, and when I read more about constitutional rights, I came to know that many expressions are protected under the First Amendment and the freedom to protest is one of them. In one of the very pivotal Supreme Court decisions (Texas v. Johnson), the Supreme Court held that burning the national flag during a political protest was a protected expression under the First Amendment. 

Now, when the President of the country questions NFL players' right to protest and asks the owners of the team to fire them for exercising their constitutional right, that too when he does that using very derogatory language and abusing their mothers, it is really sad. It poses a very serious question, if the President of the country won't respect the constitutional rights of its citizens then who else will? Of course, Mr. Trump has the right to express himself under the same constitutional provision under which these players have that right. People should respect the President's right to express himself, but it is also true that every position or job comes with certain obligations and responsibilities, and definitely, the US President's job comes with a lot of responsibilities and obligations. As a President of a country like the USA, Mr. Trump has the responsibility to uphold the core values and principles of this great country. Individual liberty and respect for constitutional rights are part of the core identity of the USA, and if anyone dilutes these rights, this great nation might lose its unique identity. We need to respect others' rights not only when we agree with them, but especially when there is a serious disagreement, that is when our respect for others' rights is really tested. I hope President Trump understands this, he may not agree with the choice of method to protest of these NFL players, but he should stand to protect their constitutional rights. If not, then tomorrow our constitutional rights will be abridged. Please remember, we need to protect other's rights so that our rights also remain protected.

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[Copyright: Vinay Thakur. Please contact the author for re-posting or publishing]    

Men need to save themselves

"Men need to save themselves," my friend, Anand Pawar said in one of his interviews related to gender issues. He is an expert on gender-related issues, and I learned so many things about this subject during my interactions with him. This particular line resonated with me a lot because I saw men (including myself) struggling under a burden to fulfill the expectations of society, their family, and their own expectations. The definition of masculinity is very stereotyped in most of the societies. Men need to fit into that definition, and if they don't, they struggle with social and personal contempt, rejection, frustration, and many other things. Many men put themselves under this burden of expectations that their society or culture hands over to them, and there is no easy way for them to escape this trap. Very few dare to challenge the stereotypes or traditional definitions of masculinity. Men really need to save themselves from this burden. It is crushing many of them, and only they can help themselves to break free from its shackles.

Expectations and traditional notions about gender roles are embedded in our social culture. These norms are part of many cultures. We don't have to choose them as we are born into these traditions. Some of these things have been part of traditions for so long that they have become sacrosanct principles. This is the very reason why even after feeling the burden of these expectations very few dare to challenge them, or worse, very few even feel that these are unnecessary or burdensome expectations. But, because of people like Anand, these definitions are being challenged. I know Anand personally that's why I am mentioning his name, I am sure that there are quite a few people like him who are working in this area to help men come out of this prison of patriarchal culture, and I appreciate all these efforts. It is a wrong notion to assume that patriarchy only hurts women. In reality, it equally hurts men, they just don't realize it. Patriarchy puts an unjustified burden on women by putting so many restrictions on them, at the same time, it also puts a burden of so many unreasonable expectations on men. In the end, it results in a society where both men and women live under some kind of burden of expectations, which they can't reject even if they want to. Their roles get rigidly defined and the scope of the exchange of duties is nonexistent.

What is the solution to this complex problem? The only way is to challenge the traditional notions of masculinity and femininity. A woman can be a bread earner of a family and a man can be a stay-at-home dad. There is nothing shameful if your wife earns more than you. Women should get equal rights to choose what they want to wear, and women don't have to carry the burden of sacrificing their interests for the sake of their families. A woman's career is as important as a man's. There are so many things that one can add to this list, but I guess you now know what I mean. The central point is, don't define gender roles rigidly, a suitable person in the family or society should perform the available role, their gender should not be a factor in deciding whether they qualify for it or not. Men don't have to live under the pressure of fulfilling the roles of a caretaker of the family, they can take whatever role they feel suits them, and it can be a role of house-husband or stay-at-home dad. I think the present generation is well equipped with all the tools it needs to tackle this problem. I am hopeful that they will do far better as far as achieving gender equality is concerned compared to my generation. Women have been challenging their stereotyped image for decades, and they are immensely successful in it. Now it is the time for men to challenge their stereotyped image because MEN NEED TO SAVE THEMSELVES.

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[Copyright: Vinay Thakur. Please contact the author for re-posting or publishing]    

Charlottesville - Lessons to learn from this tragedy

Whatever transpired in Charlottesville on August 12th, 2017 should disturb any sensible person. It was not a pleasant sight to watch those violent protests. Peaceful protests and marches are an integral part of any democratic society. There is no doubt that everyone has a right to express their views and can do so in a legal and peaceful manner. As a supporter of freedom of expression, I agree with everyone's right to express their views on any topic, but this right to express doesn't involve the right to threaten or perpetrate violence against any group or person. This is why events in Charlottesville were very disturbing for me. The way mobs attacked each other was not the way to express your ideas. The way one man drove his car into the mob killing one innocent woman and injuring 19 others was an act of terrorism, no other word can be used to describe that murder. One can disagree with another's views or political ideology, but no matter how strong is the disagreement, no one has the right to attack anyone or even threaten anyone because of that disagreement. Three lives (one protester and two state troopers) were lost during these ugly protests, this should ring a warning bell in everyone's mind who is concerned about this country. Is this the way we want to move forward? Are we going to learn any lessons moving forward after this tragedy or still we are going to get consumed by our political ideology and hatred?

Hatred propagated by white supremacists and neo-Nazis was disturbing, but President Trump's failure to condemn these groups specifically during the press conference after the incident was more disturbing. When, as a leader of a country someone fails to condemn a violent act that is an act of domestic terrorism just because the perpetrator was allegedly a supporter of that leader, it paints a very scary picture. This means the condemnation of any crime will be selective and based on the political or ideological positions of the perpetrators. This stuff happens in India all the time, and I am surprised to see it happen in the US also. Political and ideological disagreements are very common, I have seen them in the US all the time. I have seen pro-life and pro-choice supporters protesting side by side passionately trying to propagate their viewpoints. I have also seen them debating with each other very passionately, but I haven't seen them attacking each other due to ideological differences. Freedom to express and debate is a basic tenet of American society, and any erosion in this philosophy can prove very dangerous to the future of the USA. I hope everyone who loves this country realizes this danger and acts accordingly before it's too late.

Everyone is entitled to have their own opinion and express it on any public platform, it is their constitutional right. These opinions can be challenged and debated, but violence can't be an answer to resolve any disagreement. We can agree or disagree or condemn other's opinions, but we can't suppress their voices just because we don't like them. Freedom of expression is an important constitutional right granted by the First Amendment to everyone living in the USA and all Americans need to protect this valuable right. As a leader of the nation, the President should be upfront to condemn hatred propagated by White Supremacists and other related groups. He should not mince words while calling spade a spade, but sadly this didn't happen. All Americans need to learn a lesson from this ugly display of hatred by racist groups. Make sure you make your voices heard, make sure your President knows that hate-propagating groups will be challenged, and he needs to stand on the right side when there is a question of racism and bigotry. Make sure that love wins over hatred, and social fabric of this nation doesn't get destroyed by a few bad elements. Let's move forward with more resolve and determination to fight against discrimination, racism, hatred, and bigotry, this will be our true homage to all three people who died in Charlottesville on August 12.

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[Copyright: Vinay Thakur. Please contact the author for re-posting or publishing]    

Diversity in communication

"She sounds very grumpy."
"Be careful while talking with him, he doesn't like to talk with people."
"You have a very strong Indian accent."

Many of us either make such statements or hear them daily during our day-to-day interactions with people around us. We all expect to have some homogeneity in our surroundings as far as communication styles are concerned. Most progressive societies welcome diversity of race, gender, and socioeconomic background; but when it comes to communication they want some homogeneity. Maybe this desire comes for the sake of maintaining clarity or making sure that the message is delivered effectively. In my family, my parents and I spoke different languages with each other. We perfectly understood each other, but never felt the need to communicate in the same language. I know this is not very common, but we managed to do it seamlessly. Actually, I never realized we were doing this until one day I realized this unique aspect of my family. My parents never forced their mother tongue on me, I also didn't insist that my kids should speak my mother tongue. My mother tongue is Marathi, and my wife's Bhojpuri, but our kids speak Hindi and English. They don't know either Marathi or Bhojpuri. Diversity in communication is not only a noticeable fact in today's world, but it is a need of today's world. Mobility of people has increased a lot, people move around the world for their education and employment, in search of a better and safer place. This results in a formation of very diverse societies. Such societies are not only diverse in race, culture, and religion but also in the ways people communicate with each other. 

Different people have different styles of communication. Some like to talk a lot, and some are very stringent with their speech. Some people are loud, and some are very soft-spoken. Everyone has some sort of accent, either it is a local accent or a nonlocal one, therefore, I never considered having an accent a barrier in communication. Our accent is our identity, that's the unique way we speak. I never tried to change my accent and never expected that someone else should change their accent just to sound familiar to my ears. In a same way, different people have different ways to express themselves. Some might appear aggressive, and some really mild. But, this doesn't mean that one way is better than the other. These all are different ways in which people choose to communicate with others. Each way has its own flavor and its own specialty. We should learn to enjoy this diversity rather than trying to bring forced homogeneity. Try to understand others, be patient, recognize the beauty of diversity in communication, and then you will start enjoying every accent and every style of communication. Diversity in communication is a very beautiful thing, as beautiful as diversity in opinions and diversity in population, let's embrace it.

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[Copyright: Vinay Thakur. Please contact the author for re-posting or publishing]

Be curious, it is immensely rewarding

Curiosity is one of the reasons why humans managed to advance so much compared to any other species on this planet. It is built into our minds, if our surroundings don't curb it, we can remain curious throughout our lives, but in reality, rarely this happens. Many things contribute to diminishing our curious nature as we grow older. Children are way more curious compared to adults, and many times the curious nature of adults is labeled as being childish. Maybe adults think that they know it all and there is no need to be curious anymore. I am fortunate enough not to fall into that group. I am gifted with a permanent curiosity, my curiosity remained fairly constant since my childhood, and this has played great dividends for me. I remember my kids used to watch a TV show "Curious George," a story of a curious monkey who used to land in various troubles due to his hyper-curious nature. I loved that show as I am also a curious person. My curiosity might have landed me in trouble on a few occasions, but by far it has benefited me way more than it put me in trouble. 

Curiosity helps me to remain active. I get interested in different things, some interests remain forever, and some wane with time and new interests replace them. This continuous flow of curiosity keeps me away from chronic boredom. It helps me to find something to read, watch, or do where I can learn something new, helps me to explore ideas or things that I have never done before. It helps me to study various issues including the opinions that I don't support or agree with. I can do all this because I am curious about many things including why people believe in certain ideologies, why they need religion, how science can help to solve our problems, what is the role of the law in our society, and many more things. My curiosity led me to read many different books, listen to many seminars, and research many topics. In this process, I got to know many amazing personalities, either through books, seminars, or personal interactions. I would not have known these people without my curiosity, many of them taught me things that I value a lot, and I credit my curiosity for all this. 

I encourage my kids to remain curious about various things and try to find answers on their own. I encourage them to make efforts to gather information before forming any opinion about any issue. We should not follow any path blindly, don't be a Hindu just because your parents were Hindu, don't be a Republican (in the USA) or Congress supporter (in India) just because your parents used to support that party. Do your own research, analyze things on your own, and then decide for yourself. This is a time-consuming process and a difficult route, but this is what I did, and this process has taught me many valuable lessons. The rewards of this process outweigh the difficulties associated with it. Remember, there is no substitute for hard work, readymade answers are easy to get, but they are not the product of your own mind. If you want to churn out something from your own mind, then you need to go through the repetitive process of collecting and processing vast amounts of information on your own, and without being curious one cannot perform this task enthusiastically. One of the lessons that I learned was that there can be many right answers for social and political issues, and there is no single ideology that can provide solutions for all the problems. This also taught me the importance of diversity of opinion, the importance of appreciating disagreement, and encouraging debate. One cannot appreciate or understand diverse opinions without being curious about them. One can allow counter opinions to exist by being tolerant, but to really benefit from the diversity of opinions and ideas one needs to be curious about the views and ideas that are not our own. 

My curiosity has taken to me new areas and exposed me to ideas and views to which I may not have been exposed if I had remained complacent. It prompted me to take risks and challenge my traditional surroundings and my own beliefs It encouraged me to charter a different path than what most people chose to follow. I am not claiming that everyone's curiosity will produce the same result, but if it makes you remain active and enthusiastic about life, why not give it a try? Be curious and be happy.

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[Copyright: Vinay Thakur. Please contact the author for re-posting or publishing]

Don't allow someone else to define the meaning of happiness for you

We all live under various psychological pressures. We have pressure from our family to perform certain duties and fulfill their expectations. We have pressure from society and from our peers to confirm their expectations, there is also pressure from social media, the pressure created by different advertisements, and different products marketed which seem to be necessary if we want to be happy, and so on. The point is, that someone is continuously telling us what to do to look beautiful, they want to explain to us what it means to be a cool person or a happy family. These things are explained in a very vivid and glossy way. Advertisements tell us how one should enjoy life, many vacation package-offering companies insist on why we need to go on vacations to strike a balance between work and life. These messages are very tempting and often irresistible, not easy to ignore as a lot of effort and research goes into making these advertisements. Many such things are going around us in the real world as well as the virtual world which try to define happiness for us. If you believe in all these things, then you have to have the latest phone to be cool, you should look a certain way and wear fashionable clothes to look beautiful, you need to have a certain type of body or complexion, you need to go on vacation to fancy places, buy a home, get a new car as your old one is junk, and the list can go on depending on your need to fit in. The question is do we really need others to define what it means to be happy for us?

Maybe many of us do need some advice about how to be happy as we may not know what we really want. In that case, these advertisements can be of help as they can help you to find something which you like. But, there is a catch, these advertisements are made by very talented professionals using the information from the research and data based on human behavior. This is why they are so compelling that you end up liking what advertisement makers want you to like, not what you really like. This whole process is very confusing because it is very difficult to figure out whether what we really want is a product of our own needs and desires, or a result of influence from all these external factors. Many people, including me fall for these tricks. We all are bombarded on social media with such messages, and our online search is continuously tracked, whether we are watching a movie or a TV we are continuously exposed to such messages that want us to do something or buy something. 

These messages are very useful if we use them to our advantage, but they are very problematic if we get consumed by them. When we start chasing the dreams designed by others for us, we may not get that feeling of fulfillment even after living that dream. It is better to spend time looking for our own needs and dreams rather than trying to be successful in society's eyes or in the eyes of people around us. At the same time, let me acknowledge that it is not easy to resist the pressure to fit in. It is not easy to walk a different path when most people around us try to follow the path paved by these consultants of happiness. I have learned to evaluate most of my needs and desires objectively to see if I really need them or if they are the product of pressure created by all the messages which my brain knowingly or unknowingly receives from my surroundings. Many times, I reject these things as I can't justify their presence in my life, and many times, I chase these ideas and try to fulfill those desires. Technically, I am not a minimalist. I don't own only what I need, but I do try to limit as much as possible as per my own wish. If the pressure to be a minimalist is created by some undue external guilt, then it is as bad as the pressure to buy something or to spend on something that you may not need but are buying just because everyone else has it. 

The pursuit of happiness was comparatively easy for our previous generation, for us it is more complex and it is going to be even more complex for our future generation. This is why we all need to come up with our individual plans to pursue our own happiness. Humans are complex organisms, and our happiness is even more complex (because our brain is a very complicated organ). It is not necessary that we all must enjoy or dislike the same things, our choices can vary a lot, and there is nothing wrong with it. Try to define your own happiness, don't let these external pressures dictate terms to you. Don't go on vacation unless you really want to go, there is nothing wrong with enjoying your work so much that you don't need a vacation. There is nothing wrong in loving your own body the way it is, or working out hard to change its shape, provided you are doing these things as per your own wish, and to make yourself happy. Don't allow your surroundings to define happiness and force you to work for it. Define your own style, your own happiness, needs, and desires yourself, and then take the help of people and resources around you to fulfill them. 

Thanks for reading and please share your views on this topic.

[Copyright: Vinay Thakur. Please contact the author for re-posting or publishing]

Sunita Deshpande - A woman who introduced me to feminism

People around me, especially Indians and even many of my American friends wonder why I am so passionate (and even sometimes adamant) about the issues related to gender equality and woman empowerment. Sometimes people ask, from where I was introduced to the concept of gender equality? My family in India thinks that it is because I came to the USA my traditional views about women got spoiled by the Western influence, but this is not at all true. The USA did influence me a lot, it helped in my understanding of concepts of liberty, freedom of expression, as well as feminism, but it didn't introduce me to all these ideas, especially feminism. I started expressing my views about gender equality before my daughter was born (in 2000), and I came to the USA in 2003. So, my immigration to the USA is not the reason for my feminist views, maybe it is the reason why I express those views so strongly, but the USA didn't introduce me to this idea.

India might claim pride in its glorious tradition of having a progressive and liberal society where individual freedom was celebrated and books like Mahabharata and Kamasutra were written, but today's India is completely different and has a lot to learn from developed countries about gender equality and individual rights. Gender equality didn't exist in the culture in which I grew up. There was complete male dominance. I can only think of two major reasons why my views are so radically different from the society in which I lived and the family in which I was born. These are also the reasons why I revolted against the male-dominated atmosphere around me. First, I saw a tremendous amount of suppression of women around me, and as a teenager, it affected me a lot. Women were treated differently than men, there were hardly any rights or freedom given to them, they were abused for no reason, and they were considered physical objects of lust and physical enjoyment. For the name's sake, society worshiped female goddesses, but when it came to equal rights for them, there were completely different standards. These things raised many doubts and questions in my mind. I always wondered why women don't revolt against this subjugation and discrimination. I was too young to know about the patriarchal culture, but all these things made me very uncomfortable and angry.

The second reason might shock many of you, it was a book by Sunita Deshpande. Yes, this lady introduced me to the concept of gender equality. When I read her book "Aahe Manohar Tari," (meaning: even though it's beautiful), I was blown off to know about a woman who was so independent, strong, and powerful to fight against the patriarchal system and live life on her own terms. The book is a very impressive and sincere narration of her own story. In a true sense, in her autobiography, she introduced me to the concept of feminism and I am very grateful to her for this. Since then, some other books, and my immigration to the USA confirmed those ideas and made them stronger. I am a flag bearer of gender equality, and I take immense pride in supporting this cause and this cause is a part of my identity. I am sure for everyone who supports the idea of gender equality there must have been some incident that triggered the thought process or some person who introduced them to this idea. In my case, it was Sunita Deshpande. Since then this idea has become part of me, and I have become part of this cause. 

Thanks for reading and please share your views on this topic.

[Copyright: Vinay Thakur. Please contact the author for re-posting or publishing]