Sometimes things are tough, and we are lost. We need help, but hesitate to ask because our brain tells us not to overshare with others, even with people whom we trust. Some things are addictive, and we know that they are addictive, but still we indulge in them and convince ourselves that we are not one of those addicted people. We think we are in control and can stop whenever we want, and continue indulging in such endeavors without acknowledging our addiction. These are just a few examples of when our brain lies to us, or to put it in simple terms, we trick ourselves into not doing things that we should be doing (asking for help) or keep on doing things that we know we should not be doing (addiction). Okay, so now we know that our brain lies to us. I would make one important distinction at this stage: our brain is not lying like an enemy; it is often protecting comfort, identity, control, or avoidance. The lie usually sounds reasonable because it reduces pain in the moment. The cost appears later.
Now, what to do about it? How can we fight with our brain and win? The brain lies most convincingly when it is trying to protect us from discomfort: shame, vulnerability, withdrawal, uncertainty, or change. Winning is not about fighting the brain with force; it is about noticing the story, testing it against reality, and taking one small honest action anyway.
Sometimes the brain calls silence “strength,” but silence is not always strength. Sometimes it is shame wearing a mask. Many people delay asking for help because of stigma, self-stigma, fear of judgment, or the belief that their problem is not “serious enough.” Research on help-seeking shows that stigma and social support are major factors in whether people seek mental health care. A recent study also found that mental health literacy can increase formal help-seeking intentions, while self-stigma partly gets in the way. Self-disclosure can reduce stigma and encourage earlier help-seeking, especially when people disclose to supportive peers, family members, teachers, or professionals.
As far as addiction of any kind, including social media addiction, is concerned, addiction does not always begin with losing control. Sometimes it begins with repeatedly telling yourself that control is still there. When people know something is harmful but continue doing it, the brain often tries to reduce the discomfort between “I know this is bad for me” and “I am still doing it.” The brain edits the story than face the contradiction. So it says, “This is not that bad,” “I deserve this,” “Everyone does it,” or “I will stop tomorrow.” A strong desire or a thought can feel true because the emotion behind it is loud. But loud is not the same as accurate. But it is hard to resist when your brain tries to convince you that what you are doing is not bad but a normal behavior that everyone around us is doing.
Research on affect labeling, putting feelings into words, suggests that naming emotions can reduce distress and help emotion regulation. Studies found that labeling negative emotional experiences can lower self-reported distress compared with passively watching or experiencing them. Therefore, do not argue with the thought immediately. First, label it: “This is shame talking,” “This is craving talking,” “This is fear predicting the future,” or “This is my brain trying to avoid discomfort.” This creates distance between you and the thought. Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT) uses a skill called cognitive defusion, which means learning to see thoughts as thoughts rather than commands, facts, or identity. ACT aims to increase psychological flexibility: the ability to act according to values even when distressing thoughts or urges are present. Do not fight every thought; at the same time, stop obeying every thought. Instead of “I am weak,” say: “I am having the thought that I am weak.” Instead of “I need this,” say: “My brain is producing an urge.” This small language shift helps separate the person from the mental event.
One of the practical, research-backed strategies is “if-then planning,” also called implementation intentions. The idea is to decide in advance: If situation X happens, then I will do Y. This is a self-regulation strategy that helps close the gap between intention and behavior. For example. If I feel the urge to use/scroll/drink/eat/buy, then I will wait ten minutes and text one person first. If I feel ashamed to ask for help, then I will send one prepared sentence: “I am not okay, and I need someone to listen.” If my brain says “tomorrow,” then I will do one small action today.
One can also use a five-step framework to deal with such situations. First, catch the sentence. Ask what exactly my brain is telling me right now? Second, name the pattern. Is it shame, fear, craving, denial, avoidance, rationalization, or all-or-nothing thinking? Third, test it against the evidence. Ask: What facts support this thought? What facts challenge it? What would I say to a friend who had this same thought? Has this thought helped me before, or has it kept me stuck? Fourth, take value-based action. Do not wait until the brain agrees. Take a small action aligned with the person you want to be. Finally, and most importantly, bring in another brain. When your own brain is stuck in a loop, another person can help you reality-check it.
It is important to understand that not every thought deserves trust. Some thoughts are signals, some are fears, some are cravings, and some are old survival strategies that no longer serve us. When the brain says, “Do not ask for help,” it may be trying to protect us from shame. When it says, “You can stop anytime,” it may be protecting our identity as someone who is still in control. But protection is not always truth. Sometimes the most dangerous lies are not the dramatic ones; they are the quiet, reasonable-sounding ones that keep us exactly where we are. You do not win by never hearing the lie again. You win when you hear it, recognize it, and choose the truth anyway.
Thank you for reading, and please share your views on this topic.
