Like our society, our personal relationships are also heavily influenced by patriarchal traditions. As feminist movements are pushing for more gender equality, it is bound to affect our personal relationships. Exploitation, domestic abuse, and toxic relationships are all results of gender inequality where one partner dominates and exploits another partner. Due to the patriarchal nature of our world in most of these cases victims of exploitation are females.
Patriarchy is a default setting for all of us, we all are born in patriarchy, it is the system that has been prevalent in all cultures, societies, and countries for centuries. Generations have lived in patriarchy and there is a strong social, cultural, and religious culture that propagates it in various ways. We don't have to do anything special to propagate patriarchy, it exists around us, and we all become part of it as that's the culture we inherit in all societies. Individual families sometimes may differ, but even those families live in societies that are patriarchal. The patriarchal mindset has been challenged by the gender equality movement, also called feminism. Feminism has challenged gender discrimination at every level and in this process, it has also affected the dynamics of male-female relationships. For most men, it is not easy to live with a strong-minded and/or opinionated woman. Men not only feel threatened but also feel the loss of power and control of the relationship that they had for centuries. At the same time, it is a big challenge for women to find a partner who understands the changed dynamics and is comfortable with the situation that none of our previous generations encountered as far as male-female relationships are concerned. This is also why many men are hesitant to say that they are feminists, they mistakenly feel that they are subscribing to some ideology like communism or capitalism, they completely miss the point that feminism is not about any ideology but it is about gender equality, nothing more.
When one partner shares his/her complaints and expresses what he/she expects the other partner to improve or do, this should be treated as an invitation to make that relationship stronger, not as a sign of a dysfunctional relationship. Ignoring this invitation is a sign of the dismissal of the other partner's feelings. Couples argue over many things, and the more candid the relationship more arguments as two reasonable people can have different views on many subjects. This is also why many couples go for counseling. There are increased rates of divorce not because couples are fighting more but because females are more aware of their needs and rights. The current generation of females is more financially independent than any other previous generations of females in the history of humankind. As females are getting more independent they are less tolerant of misogynist and patriarchal behavior. They object more and take firm stands, and they are not hesitant to walk out of a toxic relationship. This has resulted in more standoffs between couples, and I don't see this necessarily as a bad thing. Previously, females had no bargaining power in a relationship because of their financial dependence. Women were forced to stay in a relationship devoid of any love and respect just because there never used to be an option to leave. Feminism and financial independence have provided more independence for women, they don't have to be in a relationship where there is nothing but exploitation for them. The shift of bargaining power, increased financial independence, and the ability to walk away if the situation doesn't improve are three of the biggest effects of gender equality on relationships.
Candid conversations in a relationship and expressing each other's concerns and complaints is a good thing. This is a sign of a functional and breathing relationship where partners are not silent over things that matter to them. As females are becoming more vocal, more debates happen in any balanced relationship. However, this exchange requires some amount of maturity and understanding from both sides. No one likes to have endless arguments and go in circles. When two people feel that they both are right and the other is wrong, there is a need for a third objective person who can help to decide which direction to move, hence therapy and counseling help in these situations. Even after seeking professional help and giving their best, if a couple can't find any common ground, then it is better to move on rather than stay together and resent each other. Expressing our complaints and what we need from our partner is not nagging or putting a strain on our relationship, rather it is an invitation to make that relationship stronger. If we can't accept this invitation then it is better to have an open discussion to see if there is any common ground or if both need to go in different directions. Not all things need to work, but at the same time, not all breakups need to be ugly and messy. Life is a beautiful gift from nature, if we can avoid resentment and grudge we should choose that path rather than moving on with bitterness. Respect disagreements, learn to listen and understand before you speak and counter, try to get an objective opinion before you conclude, and move on with a positive note before you slam the door shut. It may be hard to deal with gender equality but if you give it a chance you won't regret it.
Thank you for reading and please share your views on this topic.
© Vinay Thakur, Vinay can be reached at thevinay2022@gmail.com
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