No means NO

Recently I watched a Hindi movie "Pink." It is a courtroom drama dealing with sexual assault and battery-related incidents. I liked the movie, it is very well made and all actors have performed brilliantly in their respective roles, but this post is not about the movie. It is about the importance of willful "consent" in any relationship. I watched this movie with my kids, they both are teenagers and will face a situation of dealing with their or their partner's willful consent in their relationship and I wanted to make sure that they get this message. When someone says "No," it means "NO." It doesn't mean yes or even maybe. It doesn't matter what that person said just a few minutes ago, it doesn't matter if that person was drinking or very friendly and seems to agree to your advances. NO means NO. There is no ambiguity and no confusion, there doesn't need to be any explanation or additional word, NO is a sentence in itself, it means NO, nothing more, nothing less.

Any relationship needs a very strong foundation, and to treat our partner equally can be the first crucial step towards building that strong foundation. I know it is not an easy task for many, our culture and patriarchal society never treated all genders on an equal basis. One can include any kind of discrimination to point out the inequality in our society, but here I am talking specifically about gender discrimination. Many cultures never gave women a chance to have control over their sexual behavior as they gave to their men. Rather every time some sexual misconduct happens, many societies try to find the fault in the victim's behavior. Many try to hint that the victim might have provoked poor boys (or men) and forced them to commit sexual assault. Now, before I move on, let me clarify that I know that men are also victims of sexual harassment, but data shows that still women are the main victims of this crime, that's why I am focussing only on women victims. This victim shaming is one of the reasons why many such incidents even don't get reported, as many victims fear social backlash or humiliation. It is still very common to comment on and judge the character of women based on their sexual behavior, the clothes they wear, or some of their social behavior (like smoking, drinking, etc.). We need to stop this, women need to claim their freedom to express themselves without any social prejudice. Women need to make it clear that it is their life and they are free to choose their path, same as men. They must demand equal rights, no more no less.

After watching the movie, during our discussion, I told my kids that they should understand one thing very clearly, whenever another person says "no" it means NO, and they should respect that under any situation. Always respect other's right to decide for themselves, it is a minimum courtesy we all can offer to each other and especially to our partners or friends. Please go and watch Pink if you like courtroom dramas, but even if you don't watch it, remember that NO means NO. No is a sentence in itself, it doesn't need any explanation or justification. Also, only humans can understand this denial, wild animals can't control their natural instincts, but we humans can and it is one of the major differences between our and wild animal's sexual behavior. So, if you claim to be a human, you should understand when someone says NO. Get this thing ingrained in your mind, NO means NO.

Thanks for reading and please share your views on this topic.

[Copyright: Vinay Thakur. Please contact the author for re-posting or publishing]