Thursday, June 19, 2014

My Marriage....really amazing journey..

This year (2014) there was 16th anniversary of my marriage, I can't believe that sixteen years have passed since I and Reena got married. When I look back I can't stop wondering how quickly time passes, it has been amazing, beautiful and quite rewarding journey so far for me. I am sure same is true for Reena. Like many couples in India ours was also a arranged marriage. This system is still very popular in India and even today most people get marry via this method. Arranged marriage system has its own pros and cons associated with it, one can have lengthy debate or discussion on this but this post is not about that, it is about my amazing journey with my wife who now also happens to be my very good friend. We first began our journey as husband and wife and now we are like best friends of each other, actually I believe that friendship can become integral part of any relationship.

Our journey together started when I was still doing my PhD, anyone familiar with life of a PhD student in science field knows how tough is that life, with lengthy days in lab, very tiring work schedule and life full of frustrations and uncertainties of research it was not easy for Reena to adjust with this new life after marriage. I must say that she adjusted really well with all this and managed very well on her own. There was a learning curve for both if us, we took some time to adjust to this new life, we took some time to understand each other. As it is for every marriage there were ups and downs in our married life also, we learned something from each of these phases. I am sure initially she must have felt little unusual to find a person like me as her husband, a person who doesn't believe in going on honeymoon or on exotic holidays, who was so introvert that he would prefer to read a book rather than having a chat, a person so busy with his research work who worked even on weekends, who doesn't like to go out for dinner or watching movies, etc. these are some of the traits which I used to have back then (I still have some of them). I also offered very minimum help to her in fighting her battle to establish herself in new city and new family. She did manage well without my help and I am really proud to say that she never even asked for my help after I made her clear that she should not expect any special treatment just because she is a woman and should fight her own battles. I am sure initially it was a big struggle for her as she was in a city where she didn't understand the local language because in Pune Marathi is major spoken language and back then it was impossible to communicate without knowing at least basic Marathi. She learned that language quickly and learned so well that within few months she could communicate with my neighbors in Marathi. She also learned to do all official work related with banks and other things without my help. People might think that what a big deal if some woman can manage these things on her own. They are right, women should be doing this on their own but in my family they were not even allowed to go out of home alone this can be considered as a great achievement. In India ours is a joint family, so many people with different habits and behavior patterns live together in same house, I am sure it was not easy for her to adjust with this environment but she never complained, displayed her difficulties or displeasure towards anything and I really thank her for that.

When we moved to US almost decade back, then it was beginning of another new chapter in life for us. It was not only a new place but a totally new country, new culture and there was no one even from our extended family to support us here. Fortunately we met very kind and helpful people here with whom we now have relationship like family and I must say that Reena was instrumental in nurturing all these relationships. Actually I have no hesitation to say that she is the person who makes me socially relevant, she is the main reason all guests feel welcomed in our home. I don't care much about all these things, somehow I am not that social person from the beginning. But Reena tries to remember what are likes and dislikes of my  friends and then cooks that particular dish whenever they visit, she even remembers most people's birthdays and other important days (like marriage anniversary, etc.) and reminds me to wish them. This quality of her has played very pivotal role in our survival in this new country which we now can call our second home. We successfully completed almost a decade here and I credit her a lot for this. Apart from her there are other women like my mom, my grandmas who played very crucial role in my life. It is said that behind very successful man there is a woman but I totally disagree with this, why behind? they are always with them, so there is no women behind me to support me but rather they are very much with me, so we should say "with every successful man there is a woman" (and vice versa). They didn't play any secondary role in my life but their role was and still is very primary role, as crucial as my own role so they all share my success equally (or even failures) and are as much responsible for it as I am.

Actually one blog post is not enough to write about this amazing journey and I am not even trying to do this. I just want to express my thanks and gratitude towards her for being such an amazing partner. I also understand that very supportive and understanding partner is needed for successful marriage. This is specially true when we have so many uncommon things between both of us, like; we both belong to different states in India (each state has different language, culture, food habits, etc.), we both have very different views about religion and God (Reena considers herself as religious who believes in Hinduism's concepts of God and its powers and I don't subscribe to any such values), our mother tongue's are also different, in spite of all these differences where some of them have capacity to create big rift between any two people I think our family is a bunch of very happy people. I consider it as a big success. We both don't try to force our views on our kids but try to encourage them to explore on their own and choose what they feel is good for them. Because of our unique backgrounds and exposure to different cultures our kids have variety of things which they can choose from. These all responsibilities and challenges in life make it very interesting. We both are trying to figure out our way through all this while enjoying our journey together. I don't think there is any single formula for successful marriage or successful parenting, for every couple or family different things might work, one needs to find what works for them and I guess we have figured out what works for us. So far this journey was amazing and I am sure it will continue like this. Thank you Reena and thanks to all who were part of this amazing journey so far.

Thanks for reading.

[Copyright : Vinay Thakur. Please contact the author for re-posting or publishing]


  1. A salute to your candid thoughts and expressions. It is very Important to acknowledge what you have and more so appreciate it. The blog has been given proper justice to it's Name and intentions.
    You are one of the very few who accept the shortcomings of yourself and accept those of others. Appreciating the good things and advantages of what you have gives value and respect to your birth as a Human. Always be thankful of what you have, Never think of what you do not and the others do...comparatives are wrong as all parameters are different and very little is in the same perspective...
    Be happy Stay happy and keep everyone happy !!
    My Blessings always!

    1. Thanks a lot uncle for your lovely comment, actually people like you taught me a lot. I learn a lot by observing and interacting with people like you and I also try to take all good things from my surroundings. I am totally aware of my own shortcomings and try everyday to improve on them, I also know that it is going to be a continuous process. Thanks a lot for your kind words they mean a lot to me.

    2. [[The blog has been given proper justice to it's Name and intentions.]]]
      Thats utter rubbish.
      This blog doesnt deserve the name give it.
      Its anti-Hindu for one thign.
      All his blogs attack Hindu relgion for absolute no reason whatsoever.
      I have challanged as much as I can when he does so.

      And he's not even aware of his own shortcommings. He lives in denial most of the time.

    3. Dear Anonymous...I can understand your frustration and helplessness but don't vent it so openly people often do this when they run out of valid points to argue or discuss but please try to comment about specific points mentioned in the blog so that there can be a civilized debate or discussion which everyone can follow. Venting your frustrations or leveling baseless allegations on me is not going to do any good. I hope by now you understand this.

    4. i beleive your uncle can speak for himself. Unless you are also posting as the uncle also!!

    5. I guess you commented about this blog and it is not written by him thats why I commented about issues only related with this blog. You are more than welcome to have discussion with him, if at all he is interested in it. Lets see...