Toxic positivity

We all know that negativity is toxic, having a negative environment around us not only affects our morale but can also affect our mental and physical health. However, positivity can also be equally toxic, this may come as a surprise to many, but this is true. Especially, in today's era of widespread internet use and social media where we are bombarded with so-called positive thinking and motivational videos. These videos project a picture as if being sad or not interested even for a bit is a crime and recipe for a disaster, they try to project if you are a risk-averse person then somehow you are missing something big in your life. The main problem with these so-called positive or motivational messages is that they refuse to accept or acknowledge that there can be an alternative way of living life where people can be content with less, can be totally fine with living a risk-averse life, and be perfectly happy.

Being motivated to do something, explore new things, or push one's limits to the maximum is a natural trait for many, and so is being risk-averse and hesitant to explore new things. Some find excitement in exploring new things and some are at peace with whatever they have and don't even want to know what else is out there. However, due to some overzealous positivity mongers, one trait is projected as desirable and another as some sort of personality defect. It is said that everything can be a poison, it's just a matter of dose. Anything that gets too much, beyond the tolerable level of that individual can be poisonous or harmful for that individual, this is where toxic positivity comes into the picture. Most of the so-called motivational or positivity-spreading talks and videos are so one-sided that one may feel inferior for feeling sad or content, these people want us always to be ready to dance or take new things, and face countless failures whether we want or not. Most of these videos are well-intentioned and people make these feel that they are helping others by making them feel positive, but they ignore the fact that other emotions are as natural as a feeling of being motivated and there is nothing wrong with not being motivated to do something if that person is feeling adequate and satisfied. No doubt, failures can teach us a lot and they are an integral part of our lives, but that doesn't mean everyone is enthusiastic after a failure to face another one, if they don't want to, it should be their choice and perfectly acceptable behavior. Also, these talks project being an extrovert as a leadership trait and being an introvert as some sort of hurdle for being a leader. Nothing can be more wrong, leadership is not about being an extrovert or introvert, it's about how effectively you can relate to people whom you want to lead, it's about building a relationship of trust and comfort, nothing else. Being content with what we have, not willing to travel, being happy with books and not comfortable with too many people around, being hesitant to talk with strangers are perfectly normal and healthy habits. If we are bombarded with messages that we need to be happy or in a positive mindset all the time, it builds toxic positivity around us, we start hiding or feeling guilty about some very natural emotions like sadness, depression, anxiety, and even guilt. As a human we feel a range of emotions depending on our personal experiences and everyone's ability to feel these emotions can be radically different, we need to acknowledge and accept this diversity. 

Toxic positivity forces us to hide our natural feelings, this not only forces people to put on an artificial show of fake positivity but also many natural emotions silently keep on growing inside those people and at some point manifest in many ways, sometimes in a very tragic way. Let's not demonize natural emotions in the process of building a nonpractical glossy and utterly artificial positive culture. Let's accept that as humans we experience a range of emotions and it's healthy to experience them, let positivity be as natural as sadness or depression is. Forced happiness or sadness both are bad, therefore, beware of toxic positivity.

Thanks for reading and please share your opinion about this topic. 

What are desires?

We all constantly battle with our desires and, many times, don't know how to deal with them. After all, what are desires? Why do they come to us? From where do they come? How to deal with them? Is it bad to have too many desires? Are there good desires and bad desires? There are so many questions like this related to just one subject, 'DESIRE'. A desire is defined as a 'conscious impulse toward something that promises enjoyment or satisfaction in its attainment'. They are supposed to bring happiness upon their fulfillment, that's why we chase them. But if we can't fulfill them, then the same desires bring unhappiness and depression in our lives. Most of the time, whatever good or bad things happen to us are blamed on our desires. Desire is one of the strong motivators for our actions. The motivational aspect of desire has been very well documented in philosophy; human desire is considered a fundamental motivation for most human actions.

Our culture and general education are supposed to train our brains to differentiate between good desires and bad (or amoral or unethical) desires. We get trained to differentiate between them, but no one can stop them from coming to our minds. Desires come to us automatically; it's a natural phenomenon. They don’t ask for our permission before entering our minds. Since our entry into this world, knowingly or unknowingly, we desire something or the other. We desire food when we are hungry, sleep when we are tired, and water when we are thirsty; even our basic needs are also linked with our desires. Generating desires is a sign of an active and functional brain or mind. People in an unconscious state or in a coma, though alive, don't desire anything because their minds are not in an active state.

Path of renunciation blames our desires for all material attachments. According to Buddha, we should cut the flow of our desires to achieve liberation. But how to cut the flow of desire? To stop desiring (or not to have any desire) itself is a desire, so technically, we can not have a desire-free stage. Our mind is such that it likes to move around; it's curious about many things. We have physical needs and mental or psychological needs; we need to fulfill both of them to live a healthy life. It's also true that there is no limit to desires; they are endless, and they keep coming. Our needs are limited, but our desires are endless. I think the best way to deal with desires is to let them come and learn to deal with them. If we try to suppress or resist them, then they will bounce back with a stronger force (like Newton’s third law, every action has an equal and opposite reaction). We can ignore them if we feel they are unwanted desires, or even store them somewhere in the deep closet of our mind, and eventually, they will get lost or go away. Active desires need constant attention; they overpower our mind, take total control over it, and then start dictating our behavior. Therefore, we should be in control of our desires; they should not control us.

If our mind is at peace and full of good thoughts, then only good desires will come to our mind because bad desires won't find any attention, and if they do, they won't survive long. I think the stage of ultimate happiness is not when you are free from all desires, but when you have total control over them. You neither resist them nor run after them; they come and go like people around you. We meet many people in our lives, but not all of them become good friends. Desires are like that, we get many of them, but not all stay with us; it's up to us to decide, the choice is always ours. If we learn to do this, then we can learn to live our lives with thankfulness and enthusiasm.

Thanks for reading, and your comments are always welcome.

Copyright: Vinay Thakur. Please contact the author for re-posting or publishing.