Breaking the Silence: Why Couples Should Talk About Sex

Sex is still a taboo topic in many societies, and India and the US are no exceptions. Even today, especially in Indian or Indian origin households, many parents scramble to change the channel if a kissing scene appears on screen while their children—sometimes even teenagers—are around. The discomfort around discussing sex is so ingrained that even couples in long-term relationships struggle to bring it up. But why? Why do couples freely discuss politics, finances, entertainment, and sports but hesitate when it comes to sex—something that is fundamental to our relationships and overall well-being?

The Paradox of Silence

People openly discuss matters that are important to them. Political enthusiasts engage in heated debates, movie buffs dissect the latest releases, and financial planners talk endlessly about investments and savings. However, sex—despite being a crucial part of romantic relationships—remains largely unspoken. Even though most couples agree that physical intimacy is vital to their happiness and connection, they avoid conversations about their desires, needs, and concerns.

This paradox exists because of deep-rooted cultural conditioning. Many societies, especially conservative ones, have long portrayed sex as something private, shameful, or even sinful. This messaging leads to guilt, embarrassment, and the mistaken belief that talking about sex somehow diminishes its sanctity. But most of us fail to understand that this silence can be more damaging.

Why Talking About Sex Matters

1. Strengthens Emotional Connection – Open discussions about sex foster trust, intimacy, and emotional closeness among couples. When couples can talk about their desires, boundaries, and needs without fear of judgment, they build a deeper bond.

2. Prevents Misunderstandings and Frustration – Many relationships suffer because of unmet expectations or dissatisfaction in the bedroom. Couples recognize that there is a problem but they shy away from even acknowledging it. Talking openly about what you enjoy, what you don’t, and what you’d like to explore ensures that both partners feel fulfilled and valued.

3. Encourages a Healthy and Satisfying Sex Life – A fulfilling sex life is linked to overall relationship satisfaction. Couples who communicate about sex tend to have better intimacy, which in turn strengthens their partnership in other aspects of life.

4. Reduces Anxiety and Insecurity – Silence breeds insecurity and frustration. When one partner hesitates to express their needs or concerns, it can lead to feelings of rejection or inadequacy. It can send misleading signals that can be easily avoided. Open conversations eliminate doubt and create a safe space for honesty.

5. Enhances Problem-Solving – Just like any other aspect of a relationship, sexual challenges can arise. Whether it’s a difference in libido, medical issues, or emotional roadblocks, discussing them together leads to constructive solutions rather than bottled-up resentment. Sex-related medical issues are like any other medical issue. We are getting better with mental health-related issues but are still lagging behind with sex health-related issues. 

How to Start the Conversation

For many, bringing up sex in conversation feels daunting. Here are some ways to ease into it:

• Choose the Right Moment – Avoid discussing sensitive topics during arguments or stressful situations. Instead, find a relaxed and comfortable setting.

• Be Honest but Gentle – Express your thoughts and desires openly but in a way that is considerate of your partner’s feelings. Remember, being honest doesn't mean being abrasive and hurtful, one can be gentle and still be honest.

• Use Media as a Conversation Starter – If watching a movie or reading an article or social media post about relationships, use it as a jumping-off point to start the conversation.

• Normalize the Discussion – The more you talk about it, the easier it becomes. Normalize discussing intimacy just as you would any other important relationship matter. If there is no shame in engaging in a sexual act as a couple, then there must not be any shame in discussing this topic.

Sex is not just a physical act—it is a crucial part of a romantic relationship that fosters love, intimacy, and connection. If couples can talk about their finances, careers, and hobbies, they should also feel comfortable discussing their sexual needs and desires. Breaking the silence on this topic will lead to stronger, healthier relationships built on trust, understanding, and mutual satisfaction. If your relationship matters to you, then all aspects related to it should also matter. As couples, it’s time to talk openly about sex, without shame or hesitation—because a fulfilling relationship deserves nothing less.

Thank you for reading and please share your views on this topic. 

*Vinay can be reached at thevinay2022@gmail.com 

Privileged and Unisex Historical Perspectives

Human history is rich with literature from diverse cultures and societies. Across eras, literature has served as both a mirror to the world and a means of shaping it. However, one cannot ignore an unsettling reality: much of this literary legacy is inherently biased, shaped by the perspectives of the privileged—and overwhelmingly male—authors who controlled the narrative. This skewed lens has influenced how we understand history, culture, religion, and society, resulting in a perspective that is, at best, incomplete and, at worst, deeply exclusionary and unisex.

Literature Through the Prism of Privilege

A significant portion of historical literature comes from the pens of privileged individuals. These were often the educated elites with the leisure and resources to engage in literary pursuits. Consequently, the narratives and themes they explored tended to reflect their own experiences, concerns, and biases. The lives of underprivileged or marginalized communities, when depicted, were filtered through the lens of these privileged storytellers. There is no way to verify the authenticity of these depictions as there is no representation of underprivileged authors in the literature that survives various transitions of human history.

For instance, in many ancient civilizations, the voices of the working class, enslaved individuals, or women were seldom recorded firsthand. Their experiences were either ignored or romanticized, often reduced to stereotypes or supporting roles in stories centered on the lives of kings, warriors, and noblemen. This dynamic perpetuated a cycle in which the struggles, joys, and perspectives of the underprivileged were either misrepresented or erased from the broader narrative. Take any book or even epics like Ramayan, Mahabharat, or Eliad, they all are written by the elites and for the elites. Of course, over time the entire society adopted these epics as their own story as there was no other alternative. When the discourse is heavily dominated by voices from certain sections one tends to believe that only those voices are relevant. 

Even in more recent times, this pattern persists. Consider colonial literature, where indigenous cultures were often depicted through the lens of the colonizers. The historical accounts of the freedom struggle of India are also depicted through the lens of colonizers or the privileged class that either colluded or occasionally resisted colonizers to protect their own interests. These portrayals were laden with biases, reinforcing notions of cultural superiority, justifying the exploitation of the colonized, and dehumanizing or marginalizing underprivileged voices. The accounts of contributions from non-elite classes were either absent or consistently downplayed. Such literature, while historically significant, reflects a deeply skewed understanding of the societies it sought to describe.

The Male-Dominated Narrative

Adding another layer of bias is the predominance of male perspectives in literature. For much of history, social structures have relegated women to secondary roles, both in life and in literature, especially for underprivileged women. The narratives that emerged from this male-dominated world naturally reflected their worldview, concerns, and values. As a result, literature—whether religious, cultural, or historical—became overwhelmingly unisex in its outlook, focusing solely on male experiences and aspirations.

Even portrayals of women in historical literature were often shaped by male authors. Women were depicted as muses, temptresses, or paragons of virtue, their identities crafted to serve the narrative needs of male protagonists. Many books, mythological stories, and even movies include various complex male characters with various shared, however, any of these mediums have rarely presented females as fully realized individuals with agency and depth comparable to their male characters.

Religious texts, which have profoundly shaped cultures and societies, are no exception. Most were authored by men and reflected patriarchal structures, often relegating women to submissive or supportive roles. These texts have been instrumental in perpetuating gender norms and have influenced the way societies view women and their contributions. These texts have so profound influence in various societies that even women view themselves through the lens inculcated in their minds by these stories. 

Social Media and Emergence of Diverse Voices

It is only in recent history that this dominant narrative has been meaningfully challenged. The rise of social media has offered a unique platform for diverse voices, particularly from women and other marginalized groups. This has begun to shift the literary landscape significantly. Various female content creators have brought new perspectives to literature, exploring themes of identity, empowerment, and the lived experiences of women. Social media with all its drawbacks has democratized the narrative and helped reduce the gender gap, no one can deny this effect of social media.  

Moreover, the growing focus on intersectionality has highlighted the importance of including voices that reflect the complexities of race, class, gender, and sexuality. Writers from underprivileged backgrounds are now sharing their stories, offering unfiltered perspectives that challenge the narratives crafted by the privileged few.  This shift is not just a matter of representation; it is a rebalancing of the literary canon. For most of human history, only one section and one gender of society occupied the stage and now by including diverse voices, we gain a fuller understanding of the human experience, one that acknowledges the richness and complexity of different perspectives. Today's literature is the most diverse and richer than at any point in human history. I know many elites won't agree with me on this, but this is a verifiable fact and social media is one of the major factors that made it possible.

Moving Toward a More Inclusive Literary Tradition

While progress has been made, much work remains to be done. The literary world still grapples with systemic inequalities, and many voices continue to be marginalized. Publishers, educators, and readers must actively seek out and support diverse perspectives, ensuring that literature reflects the breadth of human experience. To move beyond the unisex perspective, we must embrace stories that challenge our assumptions and expand our understanding. By doing so, we honor the richness of humanity and create a literary tradition that is truly inclusive and representative of all voices.

In the end, literature is not just a reflection of society; it is a tool for shaping it. By addressing the biases inherent in our literary heritage, we can pave the way for a future where every story has the chance to be told, heard, and valued. I am lucky that I started writing the blog and could share my views and ideas on various platforms, I encourage my readers to share their stories also. You will be amazed to see how many people are like you and are interested in knowing your story. it is up to us to develop and be a part of a more inclusive and gender-balanced literary tradition. I am excited to be part of such a tradition, are you? 

Thank you for reading and please share your views on this topic. 

*Vinay can be reached at thevinay2022@gmail.com