It's time to clean our burdensome culture

Whenever I used to question some rituals or some rules that were imposed on us, for being a boy, or on my sisters for being a girl, I used to get a very common response, just do it, this is our culture. No one bothered to answer why. Things have not changed much in the last 30-40 years, rather I see that people have become more aggressive and sensitive about these age-old discriminatory rituals and practices. Still, certain things are questioned or imposed as they may hurt the religious sentiments of the majority or minority. Any woman not subscribing to these oppressive traditions is labeled as Western, uncultured, or worse, an anti-something (put Hindu or Muslim or any other group in the place of "something"). I wonder what fun people get in carrying the weight of this burdensome culture, why people insist on continuing with openly discriminatory practices, and why it is so difficult to understand that just because something has been practiced for centuries it does not make it right. 

Females are worst affected by these discriminatory cultural practices. In many cultures across the world, females are expected to carry the burden of cultural traditions, they are at the receiving end of any rituals that require obedience or submissiveness. They are expected to fast, expected to serve, expected to cover their body, expected to take the blame for blatant sexual assaults directed towards them, expected to bear the burden of parenthood, expected to protect their and their family's honor, the list is long and includes different things based on which part of the world we consider. The time has come for all of us to let go of this burdensome culture, no matter how old it is. Just because it is old, or going on for ages, it doesn't become worthy of protection, it does not become right, and definitely, it does not become acceptable to discriminate. Discrimination is very subtle in many of these rituals, after all, the people who designed them were not stupid, they wanted to create a patriarchal system that could go on forever, conditioned, both, men and women so that both can carry these traditions with equal faith and conviction. This is why it is not easy to fight against these discriminatory traditions because many who suffer and get discriminated against by these traditions support them thinking that these are sacred and need to be protected. My personal experience is that fighting against these discriminatory and burdensome traditions is one of the most difficult challenges one can take, mainly because many times, you have to fight against your own. One needs to stand up against their own parents or other family members, it is complete hypocrisy to speak against these things on social media or other places and keep mum when it happens within our own family. I have seen many who claim to be progressive and against any type of discrimination keeping mum when their own parents or other so-called respected relatives practice some of these discriminatory traditions. This type of double face is very common nowadays in the era of social media where people have different personalities in the virtual world and different in the real world.

The time has come to get rid of this discriminatory and burdensome culture, we need to create our own traditions and culture that suit our time and place. Old is not always gold, we need to evaluate old traditions with our current set of standards and get rid of the junk or modify it to suit the needs and demands of our time. Let's start cleaning our culture, during the festival season it is not only important to clean our bodies and house, but let's clean our culture also.

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Aryan Khan and the Indian news media

Shahrukh Khan needs no introduction, he is the most popular Hindi film industry star in the world, maybe more popular than Amitabh Bachchan, so, when his son, Aryan Khan got arrested for allegedly being a part of a drug racket it was a headline in most Indian news media houses. So far it is understandable, the twenty-three-year-old son of a movie icon getting arrested for drug-related charges is a worthy headline to catch the attention of your viewers. However, what happened after that totally exposed the pathetic state of affairs of Indian news media. Most news channels started running 24x7 updates about Aryan Khan, what he does, what he eats, about the role of parenting in his arrest, and whatnot. Everything related to him was covered as if his arrest and bail is the biggest crisis India is facing right now. To make things more sensational there were rhyming headlines, poetic tags, super excited anchors, every time exclusive photos or interviews, whatever one can imagine from top to bottom was used by media houses to cover this hot story.

Before this incident the only identity of Aryan Khan was Shahrukh and Gauri Khan's elder son, that's all. Thanks to the Indian media outlets now the name Aryan Khan needs no introduction, I am sure whoever watches Indian news channels knows about him. I am sure this is not the way Aryan or his family expected him to get popular but he is now popular and currently may be more popular than his dad in India. It was a simple case of a rave party where young kids consume illegal drugs, the law should have taken its own course, and formalities like arrests and bail should have followed the procedure they normally follow in such cases, but it did not happen. It seems when the media started covering this case minute by minute the Narcotics Control Bureau (NCB) of India also got carried away. As a result, the issue became much bigger than it was and now the NCB itself is facing some credibility issues related to this case. I am sure Aryan must be wondering why such a big deal was made out of the fact that some of his friends wanted to smoke weed. No doubt, Aryan comes from a very privileged background, after all, how many people can afford to have the former attorney general of India represent them for a bail petition. However, as people should not get any special treatment because they come from a privileged background they should not be treated worse because they are privileged. 

Another point to note is the way the Indian movie industry chooses to remain silent on the most sensitive issues. Even its biggest stars keep mum or issue some meaningless generic statements on some of the biggest atrocities committed in the country. They genuinely fear that their commercial interests will be hurt and their movies or families will be targeted, but this silence is noticeable to the extent that the industry's biggest stars who carry a macho image on the screen appear spineless in their real lives. However, the same stars expect public support when something happens to them, and they do receive a lot of support (as well as criticism, as hate and love are different sides of the same coin for any celebrity's life). Similarly, in this case, also there was a lot of support and hatred, the issue even took a political twist keeping with the current pattern where everything ends up becoming political and communal starting from a cricket match to the arrest of a superstar's son. Also, politics and communalism are so deeply ingrained in India that most people don't react based on what happened but they first check who are the people involved and then react accordingly. If it's from their own religion or political party then they find each and every possible reason to downplay or even justify murder or rape, and if it's someone from a different religion or opposite political party they can make a big deal about smoking a pot. The role of Indian media is very important in all this, they not only initiate this divide but actively cultivate and make sure that it doesn't get bridged by very aggressive and biased reporting. Any sensible person will cringe multiple times while watching most Indian news channels, they don't even try to hide their love for the ruling party and hatred towards the opposition, they don't even try to pretend to be objective, they shamelessly take sides and act as propaganda machines. I stopped watching them long back, but my parents watch it regularly and I always used to wonder what's the source of their so many conspiracy theories. During my recent India visit, I decided to watch these news channels with them and I realized from where they are getting all this misleading and fabricated information. The problem is there are many like my parents who believe these news channels, after all, why will the news channels lie, it's news, how can it not be true? Many Indians are fed with such lies continuously and I don't know how they will come out of it or will they ever come out of this vicious cycle. Aryan Khan will get bail for sure, it's just a matter of time, his case will also reach some conclusion but the thing Indians should worry about is what their news media is doing with them. The Indian news media is feeding something more dangerous than narcotics to their viewers, and the worst part is the viewers don't even know that they are being drugged.

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Toxic positivity

We all know that negativity is toxic, having a negative environment around us not only affects our morale but can also affect our mental and physical health. However, positivity can also be equally toxic, this may come as a surprise to many, but this is true. Especially, in today's era of widespread internet use and social media where we are bombarded with so-called positive thinking and motivational videos. These videos project a picture as if being sad or not interested even for a bit is a crime and recipe for a disaster, they try to project if you are a risk-averse person then somehow you are missing something big in your life. The main problem with these so-called positive or motivational messages is that they refuse to accept or acknowledge that there can be an alternative way of living life where people can be content with less, can be totally fine with living a risk-averse life, and be perfectly happy.

Being motivated to do something, explore new things, or push one's limits to the maximum is a natural trait for many, and so is being risk-averse and hesitant to explore new things. Some find excitement in exploring new things and some are at peace with whatever they have and don't even want to know what else is out there. However, due to some overzealous positivity mongers, one trait is projected as desirable and another as some sort of personality defect. It is said that everything can be a poison, it's just a matter of dose. Anything that gets too much, beyond the tolerable level of that individual can be poisonous or harmful for that individual, this is where toxic positivity comes into the picture. Most of the so-called motivational or positivity-spreading talks and videos are so one-sided that one may feel inferior for feeling sad or content, these people want us always to be ready to dance or take new things, and face countless failures whether we want or not. Most of these videos are well-intentioned and people make these feel that they are helping others by making them feel positive, but they ignore the fact that other emotions are as natural as a feeling of being motivated and there is nothing wrong with not being motivated to do something if that person is feeling adequate and satisfied. No doubt, failures can teach us a lot and they are an integral part of our lives, but that doesn't mean everyone is enthusiastic after a failure to face another one, if they don't want to, it should be their choice and perfectly acceptable behavior. Also, these talks project being an extrovert as a leadership trait and being an introvert as some sort of hurdle for being a leader. Nothing can be more wrong, leadership is not about being an extrovert or introvert, it's about how effectively you can relate to people whom you want to lead, it's about building a relationship of trust and comfort, nothing else. Being content with what we have, not willing to travel, being happy with books and not comfortable with too many people around, being hesitant to talk with strangers are perfectly normal and healthy habits. If we are bombarded with messages that we need to be happy or in a positive mindset all the time, it builds toxic positivity around us, we start hiding or feeling guilty about some very natural emotions like sadness, depression, anxiety, and even guilt. As a human we feel a range of emotions depending on our personal experiences and everyone's ability to feel these emotions can be radically different, we need to acknowledge and accept this diversity. 

Toxic positivity forces us to hide our natural feelings, this not only forces people to put on an artificial show of fake positivity but also many natural emotions silently keep on growing inside those people and at some point manifest in many ways, sometimes in a very tragic way. Let's not demonize natural emotions in the process of building a nonpractical glossy and utterly artificial positive culture. Let's accept that as humans we experience a range of emotions and it's healthy to experience them, let positivity be as natural as sadness or depression is. Forced happiness or sadness both are bad, therefore, beware of toxic positivity.

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