Don't allow someone else to define the meaning of happiness for you

We all live under various psychological pressures. We have pressure from our family to perform certain duties and fulfill their expectations. We have pressure from society and from our peers to confirm their expectations, there is also pressure from social media, the pressure created by different advertisements, and different products marketed which seem to be necessary if we want to be happy, and so on. The point is, that someone is continuously telling us what to do to look beautiful, they want to explain to us what it means to be a cool person or a happy family. These things are explained in a very vivid and glossy way. Advertisements tell us how one should enjoy life, many vacation package-offering companies insist on why we need to go on vacations to strike a balance between work and life. These messages are very tempting and often irresistible, not easy to ignore as a lot of effort and research goes into making these advertisements. Many such things are going around us in the real world as well as the virtual world which try to define happiness for us. If you believe in all these things, then you have to have the latest phone to be cool, you should look a certain way and wear fashionable clothes to look beautiful, you need to have a certain type of body or complexion, you need to go on vacation to fancy places, buy a home, get a new car as your old one is junk, and the list can go on depending on your need to fit in. The question is do we really need others to define what it means to be happy for us?

Maybe many of us do need some advice about how to be happy as we may not know what we really want. In that case, these advertisements can be of help as they can help you to find something which you like. But, there is a catch, these advertisements are made by very talented professionals using the information from the research and data based on human behavior. This is why they are so compelling that you end up liking what advertisement makers want you to like, not what you really like. This whole process is very confusing because it is very difficult to figure out whether what we really want is a product of our own needs and desires, or a result of influence from all these external factors. Many people, including me fall for these tricks. We all are bombarded on social media with such messages, and our online search is continuously tracked, whether we are watching a movie or a TV we are continuously exposed to such messages that want us to do something or buy something. 

These messages are very useful if we use them to our advantage, but they are very problematic if we get consumed by them. When we start chasing the dreams designed by others for us, we may not get that feeling of fulfillment even after living that dream. It is better to spend time looking for our own needs and dreams rather than trying to be successful in society's eyes or in the eyes of people around us. At the same time, let me acknowledge that it is not easy to resist the pressure to fit in. It is not easy to walk a different path when most people around us try to follow the path paved by these consultants of happiness. I have learned to evaluate most of my needs and desires objectively to see if I really need them or if they are the product of pressure created by all the messages which my brain knowingly or unknowingly receives from my surroundings. Many times, I reject these things as I can't justify their presence in my life, and many times, I chase these ideas and try to fulfill those desires. Technically, I am not a minimalist. I don't own only what I need, but I do try to limit as much as possible as per my own wish. If the pressure to be a minimalist is created by some undue external guilt, then it is as bad as the pressure to buy something or to spend on something that you may not need but are buying just because everyone else has it. 

The pursuit of happiness was comparatively easy for our previous generation, for us it is more complex and it is going to be even more complex for our future generation. This is why we all need to come up with our individual plans to pursue our own happiness. Humans are complex organisms, and our happiness is even more complex (because our brain is a very complicated organ). It is not necessary that we all must enjoy or dislike the same things, our choices can vary a lot, and there is nothing wrong with it. Try to define your own happiness, don't let these external pressures dictate terms to you. Don't go on vacation unless you really want to go, there is nothing wrong with enjoying your work so much that you don't need a vacation. There is nothing wrong in loving your own body the way it is, or working out hard to change its shape, provided you are doing these things as per your own wish, and to make yourself happy. Don't allow your surroundings to define happiness and force you to work for it. Define your own style, your own happiness, needs, and desires yourself, and then take the help of people and resources around you to fulfill them. 

Thanks for reading and please share your views on this topic.

[Copyright: Vinay Thakur. Please contact the author for re-posting or publishing]

Sunita Deshpande - A woman who introduced me to feminism

People around me, especially Indians and even many of my American friends wonder why I am so passionate (and even sometimes adamant) about the issues related to gender equality and woman empowerment. Sometimes people ask, from where I was introduced to the concept of gender equality? My family in India thinks that it is because I came to the USA my traditional views about women got spoiled by the Western influence, but this is not at all true. The USA did influence me a lot, it helped in my understanding of concepts of liberty, freedom of expression, as well as feminism, but it didn't introduce me to all these ideas, especially feminism. I started expressing my views about gender equality before my daughter was born (in 2000), and I came to the USA in 2003. So, my immigration to the USA is not the reason for my feminist views, maybe it is the reason why I express those views so strongly, but the USA didn't introduce me to this idea.

India might claim pride in its glorious tradition of having a progressive and liberal society where individual freedom was celebrated and books like Mahabharata and Kamasutra were written, but today's India is completely different and has a lot to learn from developed countries about gender equality and individual rights. Gender equality didn't exist in the culture in which I grew up. There was complete male dominance. I can only think of two major reasons why my views are so radically different from the society in which I lived and the family in which I was born. These are also the reasons why I revolted against the male-dominated atmosphere around me. First, I saw a tremendous amount of suppression of women around me, and as a teenager, it affected me a lot. Women were treated differently than men, there were hardly any rights or freedom given to them, they were abused for no reason, and they were considered physical objects of lust and physical enjoyment. For the name's sake, society worshiped female goddesses, but when it came to equal rights for them, there were completely different standards. These things raised many doubts and questions in my mind. I always wondered why women don't revolt against this subjugation and discrimination. I was too young to know about the patriarchal culture, but all these things made me very uncomfortable and angry.

The second reason might shock many of you, it was a book by Sunita Deshpande. Yes, this lady introduced me to the concept of gender equality. When I read her book "Aahe Manohar Tari," (meaning: even though it's beautiful), I was blown off to know about a woman who was so independent, strong, and powerful to fight against the patriarchal system and live life on her own terms. The book is a very impressive and sincere narration of her own story. In a true sense, in her autobiography, she introduced me to the concept of feminism and I am very grateful to her for this. Since then, some other books, and my immigration to the USA confirmed those ideas and made them stronger. I am a flag bearer of gender equality, and I take immense pride in supporting this cause and this cause is a part of my identity. I am sure for everyone who supports the idea of gender equality there must have been some incident that triggered the thought process or some person who introduced them to this idea. In my case, it was Sunita Deshpande. Since then this idea has become part of me, and I have become part of this cause. 

Thanks for reading and please share your views on this topic.

[Copyright: Vinay Thakur. Please contact the author for re-posting or publishing]