Human being and not human doing

Our actions and work are integral parts of our personality. At a very early stage of our lives, we realize that what we do gets us appreciation and recognition. Initially, it is our parents whose recognition and appreciation we crave for. As they applaud and praise each and every small progress as a child, this action and appreciation pattern is set in our minds. Whenever we do something good, we look around to make sure that people are watching so that our good acts don't go unnoticed. Slowly, we start imagining ourselves based on these appreciations and recognitions, we forget that we have existence without these things. Our every act is designed to generate some favorable response from our surroundings. Instead of a human being, we become a human doing, who is constantly doing something so that people around shower some appreciation and praise. In today's social media-infested world this insatiable craving for appreciation and recognition has put us in continuous action mode, we either want to broadcast ourselves or watch someone's broadcast. It seems we have forgotten that we don't need anyone's validation to be happy or to do any good work. We can do good and right things even when no one is watching, rather, when we do right things when no one is watching that's the real test of being human. 

I know that I am not the first one to highlight this. Our never-ending appetite for appreciation and recognition has been a topic of discussion for quite some time now, I am just trying to invite the attention of my blog readers to this topic. Good deeds or decent behavior with the sole intent of getting noticed or receiving appreciation are not good deeds, they are performances like actors deliver on stage or in movies. If you want to help someone, just go ahead and help, don't worry if someone is watching or recording it or not, and don't worry if someone says thank you or a good job or not, you are helping because you want to help, not because someone will praise you. If you want to write a blog, go ahead and write it, don't worry if someone reads it or not. If you want to express your thoughts and feelings, go ahead and express them in a civilized manner, don't worry if the next person reciprocates it or not. We must learn to do things for our own happiness and fulfillment, being kind to ourselves is as important and necessary as being kind to others. This is a simple thing, but most of us forget to practice it. We tend to be harsher on ourselves and our loved ones thinking that this harshness will force us to perform better, we blur the lines between being harsh and being motivational, and this damages many of our close relationships. Being successful matters, but what matters more is at what costs and by using which parameters. This post is not to provide any answers to these questions, but to kindle some thinking in this direction. Answers will be different from person to person, but without some introspection, we cannot find those answers. So, think about it.

Thank you for reading and please share your views on this topic. 

© Vinay Thakur, All rights reserved, Vinay can be reached at thevinay2022@gmail.com

     

We are not born for the pleasure of others

We all seek validation. This is one thing we learn very early. Children feel happy and encouraged when people around them applaud and when their parents appreciate and reward them. When we get good grades, our parents seem to love us more and look happy. When we agree with people around us they tend to treat us nicely. However, when we question things, especially things related to culture, religion, or politics, people seem more hostile. When we fail or do something that is against the expectations of our parents or other family members they seem to be disappointed and unhappy even though we may be happy with our chosen path. All these things train us to seek validation from others. Slowly but steadily we get addicted to this continuous validation. We start designing our personality and behavior to please people around us in the expectation that if we please them we will be rewarded with praise and other accolades. In this process, we forget about our own self. It becomes impossible to differentiate what we want to do for our own happiness versus what we want to do to please others. The tragic result is that most of us don't know what we want and spend our entire lives for the pleasure of others thinking that their validation will make us happy. Instead of a human being, we become human doing, someone who is always doing something to get validation from others. 

We must remember that "we were not born for the pleasure of others." Most parents give birth to their kids for their own pleasure. It is not a kid's duty to thank their parents for their existence neither it is their duty to make their parents happy at all costs. Being nice and kind to others are wonderful qualities to have, everyone should aspire to have them. However, to design our behavior and personality only to please others takes us to a point where we don't realize who we are and what we want. The burden of expectations becomes so high that unknowingly we become the subject of fulfilling the desires of a few people around us. These people can be our parents, spouses and children, other family members, friends, or our bosses. Knowing about our own desires is not easy when we are bombarded with expectations from people around us from a very young age. It is not easy to have an independent thought process when we are continuously coached and brainwashed. Therefore, it is not easy to find self-acceptance when we grow up. Aggressive advertisements telling us how to be happy and what happiness means and looks like don't make this task any easier for us. When we can't stand on our own and don't have any individual identity we need validation from others to believe that our existence matters. Without that validity, we feel incomplete and insignificant. Knowingly and unknowingly we start working only for the pleasure of others, we dedicate our lives to doing things that may please others. We work really hard to collect things dictated by society but are scared to work hard towards our own dreams. We prefer to choose a guaranteed success path, dictated by society, no matter how hard or unpleasant that path is, just because people around us will approve and praise us for achieving those milestones. If this is all you want, then fine, go ahead. But if not, then show courage to follow an untraveled path and make sure to leave a trail for others so that when someone else needs to chart their own path they have an example to follow. Good luck. 

Thank you for reading and please share your views on this topic. 

© Vinay Thakur, All rights reserved, Vinay can be reached at thevinay2022@gmail.com