The difficulty of being GOOD.

The Difficulty of Being Good is the title of a book by Gurcharan Das. It is a philosophical book that discusses various moral issues humans face with reference to the characters from Mahabharat. I read this book a few years back and found it very engaging. The topic of the difficulty of being good, came to my mind while chatting with one of my friends on the issue of gender discrimination which is present in every religion. I was trying to convey the point that, we all have our own biases and prejudices, many times we don't even realize that, but we all need to introspect and analyze our own thinking to get rid of these things, and it is a very difficult process. It is not that easy to be good at all times. We all speak passionately about the issues or problems that we care about. We all speak in favor of some political figure or celebrity who we love, and against some who we don't like. However, many of us change our stance instantly if we come across the views from the other side. We are normally not that welcoming of the criticism directed toward people we love and we are not that welcoming of the alternate views about the issues about which we care. I am not saying that we need to agree with all those things that opponents say, but many of us get mad to see that people can even think like that. One ideal example is when Hilary supporters can't understand how anyone can support Mr. Trump and Trump supporters can't tolerate the fact that people are supporting Mrs. Clinton.  This is one simple example to demonstrate the point that I am trying to make, the difficulty of understanding the other side's point of view.

By "good" I don't mean nice or not mean or tolerant. I am using this term for being impartial or reasonable or someone who can recognize the differences and still try to look for commonality. I mean someone who can agree to disagree, someone who can see and appreciate that every issue can have two sides and sometimes there is no right or wrong. Someone who can appreciate the ambiguity and uncertainty of life. Someone who can understand the point of view of an atheist as well as a theist. I understand that I am asking for an ideal behavior, but we don't want to give this title of "good person" for doing trivial things, right? There should be some challenges associated with reaching the point where we can call ourselves "a good person."

It is not that easy to be an unbiased person and criticize or praise everything objectively. It's not easy not to belong to any group. If we don't belong to any group, we don't get protection from any camp. When we don't belong to any herd where there are people who think like us and agree with us without any arguments and disagreements, this is not a very comfortable situation to be in. To avoid this discomfort and insecurity, we choose our sides, we either love or hate some political leader, or we get associated with a certain political party. We try to show that our religion or country is the best in the world and others are not that good. The drawbacks of our own religion are trivial, but other religions have terrible shortcomings. We expect others not to offend us, but we should be allowed to say whatever we want. When in a majority, we think that the minority should respect the majority's views and behave accordingly (a beef ban in India is an ideal example of this), but the same if group when in a minority, expects that their ideas and values should be protected and respected by the majority. I observed this last behavior among many Indians living in the USA. Many Indian Americans supported overwhelmingly Mr. Modi and his call for nationalism and majoritarianism during the last general elections of India but got very apprehensive about Mr. Trump when he said very similar things. These people feared that because of their minority status in the US, they might come under attack or suffer some angry reactions from the majority, but the same group was totally dismissive of similar fears expressed by the minorities of India. I am not trying to say that after Mr. Modi's victory in India minority is in a very perilous state or they are suffering at the hands of the majority, but his tone during the election campaign was not that different than Mr. Trump's tone, and I can see the different response by the same group of people, just because of their different strength in that society.

The desire to be good is very common and natural, but the willingness to make conscious efforts to become good is not that common. We all want to be good without making efforts to become good, and that is why it is very difficult to be good. It is tough, but we all can try to achieve it. I hope readers of this blog will try their best to be a "good person." We need more good people in this world, I don't think anyone will disagree with this statement. Let's first recognize the difficulty of being good and then try to overcome those very sincerely. I am trying my best, are you?

Thanks for reading and please share your views on this topic.

[Copyright: Vinay Thakur. Please contact the author for re-posting or publishing]

No means NO

Recently I watched a Hindi movie "Pink." It is a courtroom drama dealing with sexual assault and battery-related incidents. I liked the movie, it is very well made and all actors have performed brilliantly in their respective roles, but this post is not about the movie. It is about the importance of willful "consent" in any relationship. I watched this movie with my kids, they both are teenagers and will face a situation of dealing with their or their partner's willful consent in their relationship and I wanted to make sure that they get this message. When someone says "No," it means "NO." It doesn't mean yes or even maybe. It doesn't matter what that person said just a few minutes ago, it doesn't matter if that person was drinking or very friendly and seems to agree to your advances. NO means NO. There is no ambiguity and no confusion, there doesn't need to be any explanation or additional word, NO is a sentence in itself, it means NO, nothing more, nothing less.

Any relationship needs a very strong foundation, and to treat our partner equally can be the first crucial step towards building that strong foundation. I know it is not an easy task for many, our culture and patriarchal society never treated all genders on an equal basis. One can include any kind of discrimination to point out the inequality in our society, but here I am talking specifically about gender discrimination. Many cultures never gave women a chance to have control over their sexual behavior as they gave to their men. Rather every time some sexual misconduct happens, many societies try to find the fault in the victim's behavior. Many try to hint that the victim might have provoked poor boys (or men) and forced them to commit sexual assault. Now, before I move on, let me clarify that I know that men are also victims of sexual harassment, but data shows that still women are the main victims of this crime, that's why I am focussing only on women victims. This victim shaming is one of the reasons why many such incidents even don't get reported, as many victims fear social backlash or humiliation. It is still very common to comment on and judge the character of women based on their sexual behavior, the clothes they wear, or some of their social behavior (like smoking, drinking, etc.). We need to stop this, women need to claim their freedom to express themselves without any social prejudice. Women need to make it clear that it is their life and they are free to choose their path, same as men. They must demand equal rights, no more no less.

After watching the movie, during our discussion, I told my kids that they should understand one thing very clearly, whenever another person says "no" it means NO, and they should respect that under any situation. Always respect other's right to decide for themselves, it is a minimum courtesy we all can offer to each other and especially to our partners or friends. Please go and watch Pink if you like courtroom dramas, but even if you don't watch it, remember that NO means NO. No is a sentence in itself, it doesn't need any explanation or justification. Also, only humans can understand this denial, wild animals can't control their natural instincts, but we humans can and it is one of the major differences between our and wild animal's sexual behavior. So, if you claim to be a human, you should understand when someone says NO. Get this thing ingrained in your mind, NO means NO.

Thanks for reading and please share your views on this topic.

[Copyright: Vinay Thakur. Please contact the author for re-posting or publishing]