Sunday, March 30, 2014

Stop being offended...

I see lot of people feeling offended by very small small reasons. They get offended during discussions, after reading a book, an article or listening to someone's speech. You criticize or question their religion, they get offended; you criticize their political party or leader they feel offended; you question their beliefs, they feel offended; the list can go on, the point I am trying to make here is people get offended because of many reasons and many times this creates some problems. Because of all this people develop tendency to get offended, their tolerance level decreases and their feelings get hurt very easily. Hurt feelings are one of the main reason to feel offended. Whenever these type of people see that next person doesn't agree to their logic and raising questions it, they don't like this. Many of them feel offended just because of disagreement of others with their views. Many try to convince others by various ways like discussion, debate, argument but if nothing works and other person is still critical and disagrees with them they feel offended. Some have tendency to feel offended even by a small objection to some of their core beliefs, somehow they feel that everyone should believe in what they believe. Once people feel offended their behavior changes, their tone, language both become different, even their tolerance level decreases. This is not very ideal situation for any discussion, that's why I try to avoid as much as possible any discussion with people who have tendency to get offended. Once they feel offended they lose their sense of logic and then it's all about emotions without any sound logic or rational.

Some people mistakenly think that feeling of being offended is directly linked with their self respect, that is they have self respect that's why they feel offended. This is so wrong, there is absolutely no link between self respect and feeling offended because of criticism. This feeling of offense is actually a sign of frustration. Frustration because of inability to convince others. Frustration because of people questioning their views or even rejecting it. This frustration then leads to the feeling of offense. No one can attack or diminish your self respect in any discussion as long as you don't allow them to do so. Discussions and debates are not places to do any personal attacks on anyone. I personally don't ever feel offended by any remarks against my posts or views, sometimes people call me names even use some nasty words and get very personal in criticism during discussions or arguments but I don't mind all this because it displays their state of mind not mine. During any discussion my aim is always to share my views and get to know others. If there is any difference of opinion then it can be solved via discussion in nice polite, civilized way or we can always agree to disagree with each other. If everyone follows this policy then imagine how nice every debate or discussion will become. People won't be shouting top of their voice just to convey their message, they won't make any personal attacks while discussing ideologies and policies, no one will get angry and feel offended. Discussions or debates will sound like some civilized exchange of thoughts not some street fight or bar brawl.

I hope people try to take efforts to increase their tolerance level and stop being offended. Imagine the world where people don't feel offended, it will have less anger, less violence, less hatred, less grudge...sounds amazing..right? Let's try to bring that in reality. 

Thanks for reading and please share your views on this topic.

[Copyright : Vinay Thakur. Please contact the author for re-posting or publishing]

10 comments:

  1. Vinay,

    How better this world would have been had we all had that ‘tolerance’ within ourselves! Many people are so adamant and rigid in their beliefs that they would not even budge an inch to question their views, opinions or beliefs. They already BELIEVE that they are right. And that is where the problem lies, I think.

    Firstly, we must understand that we all MAY be wrong. Nobody is one hundred percent perfect. This is not to be taken negatively though. This should be rather taken as an opportunity to improve ourselves by saying:
    “I think I am right. But I may be wrong as well. So there is still scope for improvement. Let me, at least, listen (attentively) to what the other person has to say. May be I have never thought from that perspective before or may be my views are still biased.”

    The problem is that we do not dare think WE ARE WRONG. So perhaps we should begin first by saying: MAY BE I AM WRONG. That is the key, the preparatory stage. With this we open our mind wide enough to listen to and understand the other person. We should consider this as a means to improve ourselves. Once that is done, we should compare the two views – ours with the other person’s, and analyse. This analysis should again be based on sound logic and reason. Thereafter, we are free to decide what is right and what is wrong.

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    1. [[Many people are so adamant and rigid in their beliefs that they would not even budge an inch to question their views, opinions or beliefs. They already BELIEVE that they are right. And that is where the problem lies, I think.]]

      Yes I know someone called Vinay who is a perfect example of what you are trying to express.

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    2. that's simply great...so you must also know that he doesn't get offended by anyone's comments or objections...and that's what this post is all about...it's not about whether you believe you are right or wrong...it's about not feeling being offended..so you found the right example..:) keep following...

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    3. Anonymous,

      This is a platform for discussions. Vinay being one party and the readers another. If on any point you differ with Vinay's opinions you can raise your doubts and arguments. But the condition is, your doubts and arguments whatsoever, must be logical and must have a rational basis. If you are going to just bark around like street-dogs without any sound logic then I am afraid you are prefect example of what you said.

      May be I am wrong.

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    4. Thanks for your comment...

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  2. so true...we all should be willing to accept that "May be I am wrong"...I think this will solve many problems...thanks a lot for such a wonderful comment.

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  3. People should stop offending others!!
    May be I am right.

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    1. may be...at the same time chances are that may be you are wrong...so express your opinion and then leave it to others to accept or reject it..it's very simple...

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    2. Anonymous,

      People should stop offending others is proved and agreed upon beyond doubt throughout the history of mankind. And it needs no reasoning or logic because it's already based on logic. So stupid arguments like yours need only be shown the trash can.

      Himanshu

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    3. Proved and agreed upon beyond doubt?? Just because you agree to it?? really?? and who decides whether some one is getting offended or not?? is there any formula for that? And my friend Himanshu everything needs reasoning and logic, you are trying to use it wile stressing your point...read your sentence...you use the word logic twice and then say it doesn't need 'logic'...and do whatever you want with any argument (read it, try to understand it, or throw in trash) who is stopping you..do as you wish..and if you read and understood the post...stop being offended..good luck.

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