Wednesday, August 14, 2013

Teenage - challenge for both parents and kids

Recently my daughter entered her teenage years and I already started to feel the effects (or side effects) of it. I try my best to have a very friendly relationship with my kids. They have total freedom to discuss and argue about any issues and topics they want, but even after all this I am not their friend, I am just a friendly parent. Even though I consider myself a very liberal and patient parent, I find myself in the middle of so many arguments and debates with my kids, especially with my daughter. We argue about so many issues related to behavior, politics, movies, celebrities, and many other things there is absolutely no end to topics for us. I find that on many issues she has a totally different opinion than me and sometimes it totally surprises me but when I look back and recollect my own teenage days I realize that I was also like this. Teenage was the time when I started reading other books apart from my study books, I was introduced to vast and diverse Marathi literature and those books and readings shaped my thinking in those years. I started questioning many things that were happening around me. I argued over many customs and rituals which I found were totally outdated and should have been abandoned long back and I think the same thing is happening with my kids. They are growing up in a totally different world than the world in which I grew up, this is the era of the internet, cable TV, and smartphones.

As I wrote in my previous post related to how to train our kids, I believe that every generation is better equipped to collect knowledge than the previous generation (mostly because of advancements in technology). They also have different thinking and different sets of rules, different distractions as well as different lifestyles. The generation gap remains between every two generations, nowadays it's much narrower but still, I can feel that gap. At different stages of life, people think differently. Teenage years are unique in this aspect, our body undergoes a lot of physical and hormonal changes and they all affect our behavior and thinking in some way or other. At this age, kids also have their own perception, and a very strong perception, about the world around them. Most of the time they feel more closer or more connected to their friends than their parents or siblings. I think most of today's parents try their best to become friends with their kids but very few are successful in this. Of course, age difference and their relationship (as a parent) play an important role in making this task somewhat difficult, but I think every parent should try to cultivate a friendly parent-child relationship.

As a teenager, kids also go through a lot of stress and pressure. This is the time when for the first time they are trying to come out of the shadows of their parents. They start feeling the power of their personality and feel the need for independence and because of this, they try to reject any control or restrictions imposed on them against their will. Many times, this results in conflict with their parents, and if not handled properly this conflict may turn ugly and become very painful for both. Healthy arguments and discussions are fine, they are necessary to share ideas and understand each other's views but one should be always careful not to turn arguments into verbal fights. Teenagers have very complex thinking patterns, it's not easy for them to deal with changes around them and parents need to understand that these kids are also facing so many new challenges in this phase of life.

Parents should try to help them as their guides and mentors. Kids should feel confident in coming to their parents and discussing with them their problems. Children should not be scared or worried about their parent's reactions all the time. This worry creates a lot of stress in their mind and they start to behave differently in front of their parents just to avoid their comments or reactions. Parents should try their best to make their children feel comfortable so that they can express themselves freely. Remember, this is a very important phase of our kid's life and our attitude towards them can change the course of our relationship with them. Every child is special, they all have unique qualities and talents, we just need to provide them a nurturing and encouraging environment. If we do this, then parenthood at all stages can be a very fulfilling process.

Thanks for reading and please share your views on this topic.

[Copyright: Vinay Thakur. Please contact the author for re-posting or publishing]

Reference:
1. Link to watch documentary "Inside teenage brain" documentary
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yvmMiFHTifY

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